With the Hope to reunite with you again In the Place Of Love and Light , I set You Free My Love.
2 and half years ago when it was revealed to me that The Person with whom I had conversed just few hours back is no more, the first thing that I asked myself was,”What will I do now?”
Every moment was a struggle to breathe because with the immense grief came one more thing, The guilt of survival. There was consistent voice that kept asking me the question again and again,”Why are you alive?” Infact I found it easier to gulp in the vague advices of people saying “MOVE ON” or “U have to Live for your family” with a little more ease than to find an assertion to the questions put to me by my own mind.
It was, It is still very odd for me to listen to the tales of love of my friends, though that does not mean that I envy them or I am not happy for them. It is just that it feels like a prick to the same wound. I found it difficult to hold a marriage invitation card , I avoided attending marriages, I would scroll down my Facebook timeline faster whenever photos of someone’s pre wedding or wedding photoshoot popped up. I tried my best not to drown in my own ocean of grief and survival guilt.
It seemed to me as if I was dragging myself. Every night I would pray that I wake up and realise that everything was just a nightmare, I would again call Him up and hear his voice. And when that did not happen, I would again curse myself for getting up because I had to bear another nastily painful day. I would again have to look around happy faces, who would again come up to me and say those meaningless things “It’s Ok, Everything will be fine slowly.” I could never comprehend the validity of those statements.
Time rolled, unknowingly I too travelled ahead in life (It’s ridiculously amazing to discover how we can gather the shattered pieces of ourselves back and walk again) . May be because I was not left with any other option. Sometimes I also feel that the zeal to fulfill our Dreams also kept pushing me forwards.
With time as I have grown less skeptic, I have also learnt to find peace in Nature. I admire the feminine energy of the Universe which has nurtured everything with so much of love and tenderness.
I had a turmoil in me and It seemed that the all knowing Mother also felt it. It was pouring heavily and I sat at my window. The clouds’ water dropped on my window head, trickled and jumped down on the window sill with the pitter-patter. Every drop splitted into many miniature droplets which splashed on my face. To experience a little more, I extended my palm out. I felt so ecstatic.
Soon then, The rain stopped. I kept a little waiting there for the rain to return. Clouds were still there in the sky. Slowly, the clouds also vanished. I waited, however there was no rain anymore.
I love rain, The rain stopped and did not come back. But I was not sad. Why? Someone Raised That question to me and I was bound to think over it. The question resonated in my mind for quite sometime. My search for the answer led me to realise a Very Basic Fact. I was not sad because I knew Even if it did not rain again that day, The rain will return back again someday. And because I know that, neither did I wait nor Do I keep waiting for the Rain. When It doesn’t rain I manage to find happiness in some other things. And then again, when It rains I become happier because it appears to me like a ‘Surprise Gift‘ sent to me by The Universe.
Another wisdom dawned on me. No Things are bound to each other. Everything has their own role to play, a dinstinct time is alloted for everything. Not a single moment extra, neither a moment less. Specific time to Stay together and Make moments and then separate in the hope to reunite again. The Cycle keeps repeating. It holds true in the natural phenomena, So does It holds true for us. We are Free Souls, We are independent.